One week from now I am moving back in with my parents to save money for the big move to UCB. And then two months from then, I am making THE big move.
I have been really stressed about it. Really scared.
But today brought something new. A new perspective. It was simple, really, but it spoke to me.
Three things: Change, alone, and figuring it out.
I have a friend who loves to do this. Me? Well, I THOUGHT I loved to do this. I have moved four times in three years, and I thought this made me one of those people who loves those "three things". So when I decided on this big move, I thought it would be no problem, because, hey, I'm a mover.
I'm not a mover.
Being in Berkeley a few weeks ago made me realize a little bit more about myself. On the way to a pizza place, I thought I knew where I was, parked my car, paid the meter, and then proceeded to walk 6 blocks to where I needed to be. By that time I needed to start heading back just to beat the meter! I was frustrated that I didn't know where I was. I would get frustrated the whole weekend because anytime Lindsay and I were trying to figure out where to eat, I had no idea where to go. Figuring it out. I realized I was scared to figure things out.
Here in So. Cal., I have my family, friends, job... EVERYTHING. Everything is here. Nothing in North. Even in my moves, I was moving around So. Cal. Alone. I am scared to be alone.
Right now my life consists of work, volunteering, paying bills, and being with the ones that I love and have known for a long time. When I move I will be going to school and studying something that I never have really professionally studied, interning as a social worker, and hanging out with people I have known for five seconds. Change. I am scared of change.
So what my friend said today about loving change, being alone and figuring everything out, really had an impact on me because I realized that this is a once in a lifetime experience that should be embraced instead of feared (even if I am not a "mover"..).
Embrace the chance to figure a new city out - get lost, take the bus, eat at a C restaurant.
Embrace being alone - truly alone - because in this I will be able to feel the kindness of a stranger, the joys of a new best friend, and the comfort of a Savior.
Embrace change - I get to study what I LOVE, and practice what I LOVE, by showing love to God's people. And I don't have to work Full-time!!
Woo, I am getting excited...