Sunday, March 13, 2011

Grandpa.

I came back on the blog to focus on one thing for a bit - my grandpa.

My grandpa, who is my dad's father, is my last living grandparent, and I am sad to say that he is now home on hospice. There is no chance for recovery from his illness, and it is with a heavy heart that we sit and wait. My grandpa is 84.

It has been interesting to be involved with the process of everything. I am thankful for my education and for the ways I can help my family. I am also thankful for the ways I can help my grandpa.

I lost my grandmother on my dad's side when I was 18, and my grandpa on mom's side when I was around 22, and both times it just seemed as if I was out of the loop and not very involved. I think I was just too young to take responsibility for anything. Now I am 27, and more capable of understanding, processing, and staying strong for the family.

At one point my cousin said to me, "You are so good at this, I haven't even seen you cry".

Well, I have cried. But my cries are for selfish reasons. Reasons that consist of "I" and "Me". "I am going to miss grandpa", etc. And not that anything is wrong with that, but I think I am just so obsessed with using every single last second to help grandpa pass with dignity and confidence that he will be the Lord. Also, I think it is so amazing that we have this time with grandpa, and that we have had so many years with him, I am just so happy and thankful for it.

I mean, it sucks. It sucks bad. Life is so hard. But you can't put a price tag on having a chance to say goodbye...

My grandpa is just really awesome. He has lived a wonderful life. My great grandfather was the mayor of Hawthorne, California, and this is the city we all grew up in. My grandpa was very well known in the town, and truly made a great life for himself. He has always taken care of his kids and grandkids with great love, and that is why there is so much love with him today.

More later..

No comments: