i've drifted away from God a little in these past months...
Not that I have completely renounced Him in any sort of way, or have stopped believing... but just been kinda drifting. Don't act like you don't do it...
It's easy to drift away from God... but only to a certain point.
Now I craaave Him.
When you work at a church, it's kind of "in your job description" to crave God. So when I quit, it's like the craving went out the window. I got scared, and confused, and thought ministry was the middle ground of me and my connection with God. So naturally, I began to put my hope in other things.
What do we put our hopes in?
As I sit here tonight, I can confess that as a 25 year old woman, I constantly worry about getting married, being financially stable, finding a job that I love... etc. etc. I put my hope in these things. Like having these things will make me feel "fulfilled"...
what does that even mean?
I go to work 3 days a week, and I watch people's loved one's slip right through the hands of death, and tragedy. A young mother of two watches her husband, as a short swim turned him into a quadraparaplegic. A mother watches her son die from a mistake that I am sure he would regret. A husband watches his wife pass on, as he thinks about their one month old baby at home.
I begin to realize something.
how can I possibly be fulfilled by something
that can so easily be taken from me?
One of the pastors at my church (and a very good friend of mine), is dealing with his 25 year old sister having a very life threatening health condition.
Holy moly, I'm 25 too.
Totally unexpected, totally a shock. I'm sure his parents never imagined that they would have to deal with this situation, with Leah being so young.
I begin to realize something else.
i am not promised tomorrow.
so often we can sit around waiting for the "fulfillment" in life to come later. Some people will say, "Work hard now, enjoy life later". Sometimes I make decisions based on this imaginary man who will hopefully enter my life at some point. But I forget to except the fact that "he" could never show up, or when he does, he can just as easily be taken away.
God has given, and taken away, in my life this year...
but mostly, taken away.
He has taken away people that I love,
things that I love,
hopes for my future,
and the list goes on...
But what God hasn't taken away, is Himself.
And in reality, He is -
and the list goes on...