Oh how He loves us.

As I have grown older I believe I am able to better discern situations, and make a decisions based on what God's will is for my life. Many people call this a "conscience"... or maybe just common sense. Some people say that they just do what "feels right", and all of these things describe this feeling I have when I know that something is wrong or right in the eyes of the Lord.

I made a decision less than a year ago about moving into an apartment in Berkeley and though the logic of it all was screaming "yes" at me, I knew God was telling me "no". I couldn't accept this "no" because I thought I had done everything right and taken all the proper steps. I found people who all were very involved in church and ministry and who loved the Lord. I drove up north and met them, and skyped with others I couldn't meet. Yet through all of this I consistently felt like God was telling me no, and I consistently ignored Him, and couldn't fathom what other plan He had in store for me.

Seven months later and I am alive and well, living with these people in this house... safe... well looked after... cared about. Things have generally worked out though there have been numerous bumps in the road, I am grateful to have met my roommates. Still, I cannot shake the feeling that this was not supposed to be the path I took, and I feel that I daily/weekly suffer the consequences for it in many different ways.

It's ironic because in this past year with this new adventure to Berkeley, my overall life lesson has been that the consequences of sin are great, and that the Bible is simply helping us to live a life without harsh consequences. I see this in my patients mostly. Many deal with substance abuse, others with mental health issues that oftentimes stem from years of abuse. I recently had a patient who was a middle-aged woman who had struggled with alcohol all her life. This person was in end stage liver disease and yet could not stop drinking. The consequences of her actions... her sins... are great. This woman will never see her daughter be married... will never meet her grandchildren. This will most likely have major consequences upon her daughter as well - maybe even sending her into a lifetime of substance abuse.

God speaks to us in many ways. For me, He uses the Bible and He uses my ability to discern. I ignored both of these things in choosing to move into this house and now I must suffer the consequences. When will we realize that His Word is alive and ready to help us today? When will we accept this not as a burden... and not as something we want to construe and make up as many rules to get out of it... but fully accept it for what it is - an act of love.

Happy Valentine's Day. Oh how He loves us.

Hoot and Holler.

In watching the two recent Republican/Tea Party debates I have realized that most of the things I am trying to accomplish with my life are opposite of the "conservatives" agenda. Because Republicans are more predominantly known as the "Christian" party, and I have many Christian friends who are really positive and excited about these candidates for presidency, I have felt a little outcasted from my Christian community lately.

It has been plain to see that Red America is clear about certain things in dealing with human life: It's okay to let sick people die on the street if they have no health insurance or are immigrants, it's a good thing that Texas has killed so many people under capital punishment, and that Ron Paul is cRaZy for caring about all of the afghan locals who have been killed in the war.

When I heard these things in the last two debates my heart literally broke.

It's no wonder that I face so much animosity in Berkeley as someone who calls herself a Christian. People might look at me and think that I have no value for human life. Mostly I think people look at me strange because I seem to be the polar opposite of what they know a Christian to be.

Studying Social Work has been extremely fascinating because the more history I learn the quicker I realize that it's Christians who started this whole "alms to the poor" movement. Well actually it started with a Jewish Guy - Jesus. You may have heard of Him...

After that it seems as if there was a big pattern of Christians being the first to help the poor. Christians were the ones who were adopting the orphans, starting programs, and preaching to the locals about how God has commanded us to care for the impoverished. They led the way in immigration reforms for the Irish who ran from the potato famine, and African slaves and their children. It was Lincoln who said that it was his Christian faith which compelled him to start tax payer funded schools for the recently freed Africans.

So when was it that we made a shift, as Christians, and as a church, to focus on money, worship sets, buildings and church politics instead of focusing on reaching out to our communities - the social gospel? When did this shift teach us to celebrate the death of human being?

I don't know about your Bible but mine tells me to love. We are to show people God's love just like He has showed His love to us. And oh my heavens, I really hope God doesn't hoot and holler and the thought of me dying' on the street...

Go Bears!

At the end of the day...

The healthcare crisis in America is largely misunderstood and misrepresented by politicians. Does anyone ever wonder why Democrats and Republicans have such a difficult time coming to a similar understanding on this issue? Why is it that when they debate, they seem to be talking in different languages? I truly believe the reason for this is because half of the politicians in America are being bought out by medical, insurance, and pharmaceutical companies.

Here are the two problems that US citizens are just not understanding amidst the brain washing of certain medias and politics:

1) Government spending on healthcare is out of control. The way to fix this is with some kind of "universal" insurance program.

2) It's almost impossible to achieve number one because there is too much money and too many crooks in the healthcare business, who are buying the people we elect to protect us - politicians.

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Universal Healthcare - does your stomach drop when you hear this phrase? Do you think of long lines and bad care? Well guess what, there are already lots of long lines and bad care all throughout America.. it's called an HMO.

Countries that have Universal Government Healthcare are not perfect, and America's government healthcare system is not so great either. What I am proposing is to meet somewhere in the middle, and the focus needs to be on prevention.

In reality, every single person in America right now has insurance. Even if there is no insurance card in your wallet and you are homeless and living on the street, if you show up to the ER, you will be treated, and you most likely will not pay a dime for it. Some of these visits turn into long-term stays in the hospital due to serious illness. Lets look at two examples:

First, we have Olga Sanchez (not real patients, based off of true stories) who is a 60 year old female with high blood pressure. One month ago her husband lost his job and therefore lost their medical coverage. Olga had to stop getting her blood pressure medicine because it was too expensive to pay for out of pocket. One night Olga wakes up with a terrible headache and eventually passes out. She is rushed to the emergency room where the doctors tell her family that she has had a stroke. She is rushed into surgery to stop the bleeding that is in her brain, and is in the ICU for the next month. She then moves to a neuro unit for another month until she can get on government insurance, and is then transferred to a skilled nursing facility. The treatments for the rest of her life will cost millions and millions of dollars, and even worse, the heartache of her family. I told Olga's daughters that I want to help see it that no one else has to go through this experience. Olga should have been able to get her one bottle of medicine a month for a decent price (she would have had to pay hundreds of dollars for one months supply). As a taxpayer, I would much rather pay for Olga's medicines for the rest of her life than for her millions of dollars of medical bills.

Second, George Smith, homeless man who lives on the street. Alcohol numbs the pain, and also keeps him warm at night. His drug won't keep away pneumonia though, and he presents to the ER by ambulance, intubated, because he is so sick he cannot breathe on his own anymore. One month ICU stay, we finally get him better. Millions of dollars later.. we pay for something that a simple antibiotic could have fixed.

In the Republican Tea Party debate tonight, it was made loud and clear that their stance on this issue is to let the uninsured die on the street. And if you don't believe me, I can personally say that I have known people to agree with this. Christians(!), to agree with this. It's clearly unbiblical, but religion aside, it's morally unethical and Un-American. I can't imagine any president (no matter which party) having the ability to pass a law that leaves dying uninsured people out on the street. It's just not going to happen. So we need to come up with an alternative. To me, it seems clear. It's either we practice preventative medicine in America that will require some formalized use of universal type healthcare, or we stay in the mess we are in now.

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Tonight's debate made it clear as day to the American public about how big money has control of politics, and let me tell you, insurance, medical, and pharmaceutical companies have lots of money. Do you ever find it weird that Blue Cross or Aetna have advertisements on TV? Do you realize how much an ad campaign like that would cost?! No wonder our premiums are sky rocketing and our out of pocket costs are too much to handle at times. Why is it that over 30% of the budget for a standard insurance company goes towards administration, CEO, and publicity costs? 30%! In Canada it's under 5%. Last year Blue Cross' CEO salary raised 26% to $3.5 million. This to me is shameful and should not be something we put up with.

When Michelle Bachmann accused Rick Perry of signing a mandatory law that would require all girls ages 12 and up to receive the HPV vaccine, Perry had nothing to say but apologies for it. Right there on live TV, Bachmann accused Perry of being bought out by the medical company, and now the whole world knows that Perry received his donation the same day that his administration announced this new mandate. Perry tried his best to mumble his way out... of... this... he... doesn't... know... what... to... say... ummm..., "If I am elected there will be no more Obamacare", he shouts at the crowd as they scream with cheers. I am sitting by my computer screen watching in horror, trying to figure out if anyone realizes that this is how it works in Washington. "At the end of the day", Perry is a dirty politician, there is no doubt about it.

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"Obamacare" is not perfect, but it's the first step in the right direction for America. I truly believe that with a little bit of Obamacare, and a little more of my plan, that we can cut our healthcare costs by a significant percentage. Yes, I am trying to help all people - illegal immigrant, homeless, and the lazy, but I also desire to see this country save money. I don't see any other way to fix this system.

American Citizens - please, keep an open mind when thinking about this issue. Think of your own situation... how good is your insurance? Think of others - how DO we take care of those with no health insurance, and how much does that cost? And really research Obamacare so that you won't believe the lies that some politicians try to tell you.

FACT CHECKER - in reference to the Republican Tea Party Debate.

Prayer Emails

I have been sending out prayer emails lately instead of blogging. If you would like to be added to the email list, please let me know :)

Mom is 60

It's my mom's 60th birthday today and I feel very blessed!

I am so thankful that God chose me to belong to my mother. She is THE most amazing woman I have ever known. My mom has sacrificed everything to give me all things. I am motivated by her to be a strong and loving woman, who will be satisfied in her career, and finish her education.

My mom is the most faithful person I know. I don't think I could ever be as faithful as she is to her family but I pray that God would give me the strength to do so when that time comes.

My mom has taught me to love God. She has shared with me her deepest times of faith and tribulation, and I am better for it.

My mom is strong. She can fight through any adversity, and can handle the greatest of trials just to come out a stronger woman.

My mom is my everything and I hate being far from her.

Thank you mom for being the greatest mother. I love you!

Berkeley.Berkeley.

Well it's almost been a week in Berkeley and I am hanging in there! I have been somewhat busy every single day. I am trying to stay busy so I don't hang around the house all day in a depressed manner. It was hard to say goodbye to my parents on Sunday. Living with them these past two months made it even harder. Of course my ICU/Awful thinking is always factoring in the possibility that I could be hugging them for the last time. It's that way with everyone I suppose, but it's weird when you get in the habit of seeing your family EVERY single day, and then plan on not seeing them for 3 months. Yikes. 3 months.

I LOVE SKYPE. Skype has been great already. I have talked to my whole family on it, and it is really wonderful. At one point the other night the computer was on the family table and they kind of forgot I was there and were just talking to one another... I loved it! I felt like I was back at home.

Moving away from your family and friends is challenging but it's also life changing. This will be a great time of growth for me and I know that I need that... it's just hard at times. I am so lucky that I am able to have this opportunity - SO LUCKY.

So right when I said goodbye to my parents I came up to my apartment to be greeted by my roomie, Dave N. He gave me a little bit more of a tour and then I sulked in my room for a bit. The only thing that could cure such a thing was TARGET! Thank you so much to all of my friends and family who gave me a Target gift card (or money), because I needed a lot of stuff, and I also needed some retail therapy.

I got lost going there but this is what I found:

I found the bay! I have always grown up close to the beach in Southern California so this is definitely a different kind of water going on up here, but it's refreshingly new.

For all the Target fans out there, I had to take a picture of the check out lines because it is so similar to the DMV:

You pick a line A - F, and then on the TV screens it calls out your turn and tells you what number to go too. As I looked behind me the place was PACKED, so it's probably a good thing they set it up this way.

I have made 2 target runs this week already (so comforting), and an ikea run with my roomie Dave B. The Ikea is right by this little town called Emeryville (which is right by Berkeley), and it is so random because all around it are run down buildings and Oakland, and then the next you know - there's a "Coach" store, J-Crew and a bunch of high end stores in this outdoor shopping strip. Random.

I have been setting up my room to make it feel more like home and I am almost finished. Setting up my bookcase was the BEST part. It feels SO good to have my books out and looking at me again.

I have an extra poster of John Lennon and I asked my roomies if I could hang it in the hallway and Dave N. said only if I hang a Beyonce one on the other side. Don't tempt me, Dave N.

My roomies have been really great. We made it through our first big roomie meeting and 75% of it was discussing how to split up the fridge (standard).

Heidi - The only other girl roomie - she went to BIOLA!!! She also went to USC. She is up here getting a PhD in Lunar Science. NASA has already offered her a job. Pretty cool. Everytime I talk about it with her I want to watch Apollo 13. I want to watch it so bad. It is her birthday today - we WALKED to yogurtland. So fun living downtown. She is from San Diego and she is a twin. She is also 6'1 so I love feeling short.

Brad - Studying for a PhD in computer science. He had an internship at Google this summer so that is super cool in my book(Fun fact: Not only does Google offer free meals to their employees, they also get a free shuttle ride to and from work!). He loves to organize everything on a google spreadsheet which I hate but am learning to love. He is a leader at Veritas (Actually, all the boy roomies are leaders) which is the graduate student group through First Pres Church (also down the street). He is super patient and organized this whole house!

Dave B. - PhD student in economics. Ridiculously smart. Talks a lot about running codes on his computer and I hear a "NO!!!" come out of his room a lot when things don't go well with the code. He is famous for being the guy that rollerblades around Berkeley, and he also plays really intense board games down the street with other board game people. He plays the harmonica very well and has great stories.

Dave N. - Graduated last May with a PhD in endocrinology. He works at a lab and is basically trying to find a cure for Breast Cancer (ummm, seriously? I know you?). He says so far all of his rats/mice are dying. Dave is super down to earth. Just the other night I found out he was an elder at First Pres church. Note: He doesn't want people calling him "Elder Dave" - I tried. Dave is also very devoted to doing early morning devotions with all the housemates - so far I haven't woken up for one, but when school starts I will.

My week has been filled with exploring my little city. Walking a block to grab sushi is an amazing feeling. I am also right by Blockbuster, thai food, pizza, burgers, cvs, staples, a bunch of bars - you name it, I am right by it. It's wonderful. It takes about 10 minutes to walk to campus as well. My building is a little further - 20 minutes - so I will probably take the bus there because it's only a 7 minute commute by bus and walking combined.

The greatest exploration day was Pub Crawl day. I went with Heidi because all the science people she studies with do this famous pub crawl every year. I was nervous about it, but I had a really good time. We crawled for a good 5 hours and I am happy to know of so many good places to eat and drink. One of my favorite places is called Thalassa. It is literally a 3 minute walk from my house. There is no sign on the front of it so I never would have known what it was. When you walk in there is a huge bar and a few pool tables and some lounge furniture to sit on. I hear this place gets packed on the weekend. Then you walk into the other room and it's a HUGE place with a TON of pool tables. It's got a great vibe and great music. Love it.

I also loved meeting new people. This one student had just gotten in from China - first time in America. I taught him how to hold pizza! I love having the opportunity to talk with such a wide variety of people. That night alone I met 3 people from China, 1 from Chile, 1 from Holland, and people from all over the US. The diversity here is SO refreshing.

Today I met with Dan and Deb who are the campus crusade directors for Cal. I would also like to say we had reeeeally good gyro's for lunch. Such good food out here!

Cru at Cal Website

Dan and Deb are really great people, and their kids are super cute. My heart has always been for evangelism, and especially here at Berkeley... I would love to say the word "revival" around here, but I am hesitant because that feels so unreachable. This is definitely a "darker" place to live in. I am lucky because my house is full of light, but outside of that it is different. It's a different kind of dark than orange county where the cities are full of wealth and greed etc. ... up here there is a kind of academic darkness - where logically it doesn't make sense for their to be a God. I am honestly still trying to figure the whole thing out but what I am sure of is that my heart is in a state where it feels called to love and protect. I think mainly this has to do with undergraduate females. Being an undergrad at a secular school must be very difficult at times, and I would love to be present in peoples lives when those difficulties hit.

I'm rambling... SO, Dan and Deb were so incredibly welcoming to me and I love their ministry. I am going to be praying about how I am supposed to get involved out here in Berkeley, and whether it's with Cru at Cal or somewhere else.

Another prayer request: I have been having so many dental difficulties over this past year. I think that I would have been really better off not doing as much work as I did because I literally feel like every single tooth my dentist has touched, there is something wrong with it. In other words, I have been having a lot of pain. The dentist is so expensive and I am also really scared of getting dental work because the numbing medication doesn't work well for me. With that said, if you could pray for me that I would find the right dentist to go to that would help me with all of my dental troubles I would really appreciate it. This has been a very frustrating situation in my life. I almost feel like maybe my dentist has been taking advantage of me, and I am really scared at what another doctor would have to say about the work that has been done.

Thanks for reading, friends. Today I was thinking - I wish all my friends lived here... we would have so much fun! Miss you all!